Cards
by Neo4
Summary: lets play cards!
1. Default Chapter

"SORROW."  
"I hope so, ya know? It's not like I can keep this kinda thing from Seifer for long. It took lot's of threats before I managed to shut that Squall guy up, ya know?"  
"REGRET"  
"Yep. I hope it stays that way, ya know?" The huge man with the staff waved it around his head and slammed it into the ground.  
"NEVER AGAIN."  
The huge man shuddered. Tough as he was, the mere thought of having been found out by their leader that they had lost to Squall was horrifying. And in a casual challenge, no less!  
"Never again, ya kn.. eep! (Ya know?)"  
A blond in a white trench-coat suddenly strolled round the corner. He was whistling happily to itself, twirling an obscenely large gun-blade on his pinky. His eyes lit up, and he threw his blade into the air, catching it neatly in his pocket.  
"Rai! Fu! Why're you wandering around the dormitary?"  
"Um, like, we were hoping to catch Ze.. I mean, the chicken-wuss, on his T board, ya know? So we could like, book him, ya know? Ya know?" Rai jin stammered while Fu jin hastily hid her hand behind her back.  
"Good! Good! Well, I was just talking to the headmaster about some of these cards that I found." He flourished a deck of gaudy cards.  
"TRIPLE TRIAD?"  
"Yeah, well, the headmaster don't like Triads much, and he thinks these cards a triple the problem. So he asked me to fine all those found carrying... Fu, what is wrong with your hand?"  
"NOTHING."  
"Are you sure? Let me see..." Fu jin blanched.  
"INCONSEQUENTIAL!"  
"No, really, let me... " Seifer tugged Fu jin's arm out from behind her and was momentarily stunned by a shower of colourful cards.  
Seifer's lip turned up, showing a canine.  
He sliced every single card neatly in half. Then he burned them.   
  
*****************************************************************************  
  
"Let me get this straight."  
The other two member's of the disciplinary committee stared at their boots glumly. Fu jin was silent. Rai jin's lips were moving more or less continuously. He seemed to be asking his boots whether they knew something, although it was unclear what it was they were supposed to know.  
"You, Fu jin, challenged Squall."  
"YE..."  
"Do NOT, interupt me when I'm speaking."  
"BU..."  
"WHAT did I just say?" Seifer pantomimed a man listening intently for something. Fu jin shutup. Rai jin went right on with his "ya know"-ing, only much more rapidly and much more quietly.   
"Thank you."   
He skewered Fu jin with a glare.  
"You LOST."  
Fu jin blushed. At least, her face became a little less pale. It was hard to tell.  
"And now, I have to avenge you, as is the role of leaders everywhere."  
"NO..."  
"SILENCE! If I say you will be avenged, you WILL be avenged whether you like it or not. It is over my dead body that I see the disciplinary committee lose to some one like Squall."  
Seifer spat. It was quite impressive. He left a large splotch on the floor.  
"Ya know, this is my room, Seifer, sir, ya know, so could you please be a little less... (yaknowyaknowyaknow)"  
Rai jin stared into Seifer's eyes.   
"I'll spit where I want."  
"yaknowyaknowyaknowyaknowyaknowyaknowyaknowyaknowyaknowyaknow........ ............"  
  
*****************************************************************************  
  
Seifer growled.  
"Just how much more of this crap do I have to go through?"  
"SOON."  
"Just a little more Seifer! The damn dino's gonna fall soon! Like, ya know!"  
All of a sudden, Fu jin managed to concentrate enough will power into her GF, Pandemona, and the T-rexsaur gave a muffled shriek as it was compressed into a thin piece of card.  
  
*****************************************************************************  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Watch, how, under my command, the accursed saurian has been turned into a piece of cardboard! Wonderful!" Seifer was practically screeching into the rafters of the training centre. Other students were giving him odd looks, and the guy who sold supplies in the training centre had long ago packed up his wares in disgust and irritation.   
"Wow. Look at him go. You'd think he never got a card before, ya know?"  
"NEVER."  
"Like, really?"  
"YES." Fu jin sighed. Rai jin was shocked. He'd never known Fu jin to make any noise beyond her loud pronouncements. Oh, and her snoring. And the sounds she caused whenever she dismembered her opponents. But that didn't really count.   
"Now, let's go kick that Neonheart's ass form here to Trabia!"  
Fu jin shook her head.   
"NEED FIVE CARDS."  
There was a muffled scream. Cid wondered whether he had accidentally ordered any new monsters recently to stock the training centre but, no. There should only be the grats and the T-rexsaurs. He was perplexed. That didn't sound like a student in pain. It barely sounded human, actually.  
He tugged his waistcoat and stared into the air. 


	2. 2

Cards  
Doncha just love cards? (I don't)  
  
The disclaimer which was too late: I don't own Final Fantasy 8, squaresoft, and what have you. Given the quality of the games (and that movie) which squaresoft has been turning out recently, I'm quite relieved by that.  
  
Take a look at LoTR's people! That's what a final fantasy game (or movie) should be like! Elves, dragons, nutty wizards with long staffs, bad (and corny) in-jokes! Not J-pop idol wannabes!   
  
Also, I do not own LoTR's.  
  
Thanks guys. For all those people out there who despise fanfiction, who have never heard of fanfiction.net, and especially those people who like the discworld series, this is for you.  
  
When last we left our anti-heroes, Seifer was screaming in rage because he needed five cards to play Triple Triad. Cid had just told the Disciplinary Committe to fine all those who held TT cards, and had also just heard Seifer screaming.  
  
Now read on...  
  
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Cid genially tugged his waistcoat and took a deep breath. He always enjoyed these moments when he stood before the Garden intercom, readying himself to deliver yet another stunning oritorical opus to his appreciating audience. It was almost gratifying to hear the stunned silence which followed his announcements. It had been somewhat marred by that howling, but Cid never let concern like that eat at his mood. After all, in a school of mercernaries, if he cried for the dead, he would never stop long enough to get any paper work done.   
"Attention Garden. As you know, it is speak Engrish week. We must all speak good Engrish. You should..." Cid squinted at his speech notes.  
"You should all ... e ... mu ... rate me," Cid faltered. Which idiot had included one of those hard to pronouce in his speech? He quickly cleared his throat.  
"Orso, one announcement. Triper Triad is banned in this institue. Because the Garden does not condo... condom... err... condone! Does not condone gambling, all card games are banned! That is all."  
Cid turned away from his microphone and settled into his overstuffed armchair. Soon, he was snoring.  
Because he had neglected to disconnect the intercom, every single student was treated to a further 15 minutes of snoring reverbrating throught their Garden until Cid's secretary crept in to turn off the offending mechanism.   
  
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"Seifer..... man, buddy, you just can't go howling like some wild animal inside school grounds man! Ya know? It breaks the concentration of those students, like, around you, ya know? And it makes the people around you uncomfortable, ya know?"  
"Mmmf."  
"KEEP QUIET?"  
"Mmmf."  
"So if I take my hand out of your mouth you won't scream, ya know, because it really hurts my ears, ya know?"  
"Mmmf."  
Rai Jin gingerly removed his hand from Seifer's mouth and winced. Seifer had left two perfect rows of tooth-marks on his hand. It didn't look like he would be able to lift a pen anytime soon.  
"So, Rai Jin, my little left hand man, since Fu jin has kindly told me that I will need five cards to play this irritating little card game, and it would help if I collected a nice variety of cards, why don't you enlighten me on the other nice cards to collect?"  
"Well, they say that there are good cards on the Centra plains, ya know?"  
Fu jin shook her head.  
"ISLE OF HELL."  
Seifer grinned. Rai jin subsided into an incoherent babble of "ya know?"-ing again.  
  
*****************************************************************************   
  
Cid stared at the form on his desk.   
"It says here that you wish to be excused to visit your parents."  
"Yes sir."  
"But as far as I can tear, Seifer, you were raised in an orphanage under my wife's care."  
"Yes sir."  
"And how would you care to exprain this?"  
"My parents were bounty hunters who lived on the Island closest to Hell sir. They decided I needed a more erm..... conducive environment as a child. So they abandoned me on your door-step, sir."  
Cid's face crumpled in thought. Then he reached under his desk and extracted a pocket dictionery. After flipping through a few pages, his eyes brightened and he quickly hid the dictionary. Then his face crumpled again.   
"And Rai Jin and Fu Jin are your sibrings?"  
"Yes sir."  
"Ya know?"  
"AFFIRMATIVE."  
Cid's face brightened.  
"Awr-righty then!"  
  
*****************************************************************************   
  
"I don't believe this."  
"Better believe it pal."  
"We can't go to sea on a jalopy like this, ya know!"  
"And why not, pray tell?"  
"Because Mr. Amalsy sez so, ya know?"  
Seifer sighed and shook his head. He grabbed the garden's motor pool administrator in one hand and hoisted him up.  
"Look sir, I just need to borrow a ship to go to the Island closest to Hell, alright? I already have the paper-work cleared with Cid and everything. Be reasonable and ... what?"   
The motor pool attendent croaked.   
"I can't hear you."  
He croaked again. Seifer, with a look of frustration, hauled him further up and held festering mouth to ear. He listened closely, nodding and grunting sympathetically. Suddenly, he recoiled in shock.  
"Sword? What swo... oh! The Hyperion!"  
The motor pool attendent nodded, staring cross-eyed at the (as pointed out before) obscenely large blade which Seifer was happily twirling on his pinky. He croaked again.  
"Well, you know, I just do this erm... sub-conciously, like, when I'm happy... or sad... or frustrated... or irritated... or when I feel like chopping someone's head off and feeding it to the carrion birds while laughing like a maniac... you know, little things like that.  
  
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"UNBELIEVABLE."  
"What's there to believe?"  
"Stunning, ya know?"  
"UNBELIEVABLE."  
"Well, I don't bother to believe in anything in paticular. When I get a chance, I just grab it in both hands and shake it while laughing. I don't need some deity to direct my path."  
"ZEN?"  
"Ya, something like that. Only more rebellious."  
They sailed into to the west with a blood red sun on their backs. Except that Fu jin looked a pretty shade of purple. And Rai jin ended being an eyesore, with his back being stained an awful puce colour by the sunlight. Ah well, nothings perfect. 


	3. 3

Cards  
Doncha just love those little paste board thingys with the little symbols like clubs, and spades, and all the pictures of the ah pehs (this is a Singaporean joke)?  
I don't. I lost half of my ang pao money at blackjack. (this is hyperbole)  
  
The disclaimer which was too late: I don't own Final Fantasy 8, squaresoft, and what have you. Given the quality of the games (and that movie) which squaresoft has been turning out recently, I'm quite relieved by that.  
  
Wherever have the nutty fire/ice/bolt/etc. rings/swords/spells/armour/etc. gone? What's wrong with a little wizards and warriors style fantasy? Why is it everytime I look at a final fantasy game these days, I see some guy in a gaudy jacket with a bob hairdo, instead of sum hapless twerp in rusty armour? (I love Steiner!)  
  
Also, I do not own Lord of the Rings. Which *is* a pity.  
  
Anyway, the last we saw of Seifer, Fujin And Raijin, they were sailing into the sunset on a hijacked sorry, borrowed, ship from Balamb Garden's motor pool. Fujin was a pretty purple in the reddish light, Seifer was a bright red from all that blood he spilled in the last chapter (just kidding) and Raijin was ruining the view with his puce coloured jacket.   
  
So let's cut to Squall  
  
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"...."  
"I don't think so"  
"...?"  
"Why don't you put the Rinoa card in the top centre box?"  
"...!"  
"No! Don't put it there you dunce!"  
"Listen lady, this guy challenged me, not you. Will you stop acting like he's you're proxy?"  
"..., ............"  
Quistis pouted.   
"Alright then. Squall, you know where to find me. You can be a fool, but you'll have to be your own fool."  
Quistis stalked off in a huff, muttering something vaguely audible as "I never liked that card anyway" under her breath.  
Squall's mouth curled up at the corners as he placed his card in the bottom left corner.   
Five minutes later, the man in the uniform walked away, whistling under his breath and wondering how the idiot in the leather jacket had ever managed to win such a rare card in the first place.   
  
*****************************************************************************   
  
Seifer snarled viciously and thrusted.   
Fujin screamed as a seering pain burnt through her body. She whimpered and clutched at her tattered clothing.   
"Hold on Fu! I'm comin' ya know? Seifer you bastard! Is that the only thing you can do?"  
Seifer thrust again. This time, metal bit through carapice and blood spurted.  
"Now! NOW!!"   
Pretty blue light erupted from the ground and enveloped the ruby dragon. Seconds later, a pretty piece of pasteboard fluttered to the ground.  
Seifer sagged to the ground, panting and totally spent while Raijin tended to Fujin's wounds, ya knowing away to himself.   
The guy in the grubby (and blood stained) overcoat dragged himself to his feet, breathing heavily and rubbing his forehead.   
"Ready guys?"  
"AFFIRMATIVE."  
"Ya know?"  
Seifer's back suddenly felt cool and the sky darkened. Little drops of water splattered noisily onto the ground all around him.  
"Aw nuts. One more card to go and it starts raining. Ah well, nothing to it, we'd better get back to the ship, guys. Guys?"  
Fujin was staring upwards, single eye glittering. Raijin was curled into a fetal posistion and yammering away.   
Seifer took in the suspiciously small part of the ground that was in shadow. He took in the unusual tendril like qualities of the shadows edges. He reached a conclusion and turned around.  
"Boy, does your breath stink."  
  
*****************************************************************************   
  
Approximately fifteen minutes later, Seifer and friends were back on the high seas. Although covered with slime, blood and saliva, they seemed oddly pleased with themselves, and with a small, smelly and damp card. At least, those who were in any state to feel pleased with themselves felt pleased with themselves. Raijin had been chained to the deck, and was still ya knowing away in his sleep. He had fainted in battle, woken up, mistaken Seifer for a Blitz and tried to attack him. Fujin had held him back, but with arguable success. Raijin would probably be okay though, as long as they managed to get him to the infirmary in time.  
  
*****************************************************************************   
  
"Squall! I challenge you to a Triple Triad game!"  
"...!!!"  
  
*****************************************************************************   
  
"Having trouble Seifer?"  
"Shutup."  
"Ahh?"  
"I mean, shutup, instructor, ma'm."  
"That's better."  
"..."  
"Look, I'm trying to think, okay?"  
"..."  
"I just had the rules explained to me. Do you think you could be a little more tolerent?"  
"..."  
"OH YEAH?!"  
"..."  
"Well that's your problem!"  
  
*****************************************************************************   
  
Beads of sweat rolled down Seifer's forehead. Barely fifteen minutes into his first game and he was already having problems.  
"Can you just place a card?"  
"I'm trying to decide!"  
"I haven't got all day, ya know."  
"WHAT was that?"  
"Umm, no nothin', looking at you think is really intrestin', ya know?"  
Seifer gave up.  
"Take that!"  
He placed his marlboro in the centre square.  
All the spectators blanched.  
"...!!!"  
"Sucks to your asthma!"  
"...!!!"  
"All right, let's do just that!"  
  
*****************************************************************************   
  
Seifer and Squall stood on a barren plain, littered with rocks. The blue shape of Garden rose up in the distance.   
Seifer raised his Hyperion arrogantly and beckoned with his left hand.  
Squall growled and growled. He picked up the revolver and struggled to his feet.  
Suddenly, a crysenthemmum of fire blossomed around Squall.   
Seifer slashed. Blood sprayed across the earth.  
  
  
*END* 


End file.
